Doctor Strange was a 1978 TV Pilot with Lucile Bluth as Morgan Le Fay

Doctor Strange

Far be it from me to cast aspersions on any property touched by Benjamin Clusterfudge. But let us never forget the first time Doctor Strange was adapted for the screen — on this occasion, the small one. The 1978 TV pilot featured future Bluth matriarch Jessica Walters as “Morgan Le Fay, an evil sorceress from the ‘fourth dimension’.” Marvel has pumped considerable mojo into this new version, but no quantity of Inception-style BONNNNNNGGGGs can erase the LOLZ of history.

CORRECTED (Google Is Giving Wrong Voting Locations)

CORRECTED: Turns out I was wrong about Google giving incorrect polling places. There are two tabs: “Vote Early” and “Vote on Election Day.” I have never voted early in my life and would never even consider it, so it never occurred to me. But that’s what it is. The “Vote Early” tab shows a location 5 miles away; the “Vote on Election Day” tab is correct. I’m still fairly pissed at Google; this information needs to be clearer. But whatever. I’m still switching to Bing, so I’m the one who really suffers.

Google Giving Wrong Voting Locations

 

 

Today, Google is offering to tell me where I vote, then giving me a polling place that is completely wrong. In fact, it’s about 5 miles away from my apartment, when the real polling place is ONE BLOCK AWAY FROM ME. If I were a more credulous voter, and a less dedicated one, and less generally invested in our dumb-ass political process, I might drive there on Election Day and be so fed up after waiting in line that I ended up not voting after all. On the Google results, there is no button that says “THIS IS WRONG” and allows me to correct it.

To compound things, it also tells me the polling place closes at 5pm. The real polling place, walking distance from me, closes at 8pm.
I am about as pissed as I have ever been at a tech company, and that’s saying something. If I were a conspiracy-minded weirdo, I would be convinced that Google is working for “Them.”
In general, Google, if you’re going to completely screw up a service, don’t offer it. Doing so is bad enough. But in this case, in an election, by giving me an incorrect voting location you are actually undermining our democracy. Obviously, I assume it’s unintentional; I just don’t care. Google, I cannot think of anything that could possibly disgust me more. I’m so serious about this, I’m actually considering switching to Bing.

Rhapsodies in Red: Erotic Vampire Stories by Thomas S. Roche

Erotic Vampire StoriesRhapsodies in Red

Erotic Vampire Stories

By Thomas S. Roche

BUY NOW FOR KINDLE!

Prolific erotica writer Thomas S. Roche is known for the dark intensity of his erotic stories. At once deliciously transgressive and shamelessly romantic, his tales occupy the shadowlands between eroticism and danger, hunger and self-destruction, sweet death and the torments of life. A finalist for the Bram Stoker Award from the Horror Writers of America, he is a writer to watch in the fields of erotica, horror, and dark fantasy.

Now, editor N.T. Morley has collected Roche’s most savagely erotic vampire stories into one wicked volume. Herein, you’ll find a romantic author whose best-selling romantic epics of historical tragedy might be a little more autobiographical than they appear. You’ll meet a future music critic seduced by his greatest obsession… and targeted by her for an eternal haunting courtesy of a passionate kiss laced with high-tech psychotropic drugs. You’ll meet a painter whose evocative acrylics are laced with the blood of strangers, giving them properties that transcend death, and her sister, also a vampire — but one of a very different sort. You’ll stalk dark nightclubs with doomed romantics, and wander graveyards where killers’ graves have become haunted altars to self-indulgence.

In short, you’ll taste the irresistible lips of the dead, and their sharp teeth beyond…

This is an explicit collection of consensual erotic fantasy stories. It is intended only for an adult audience that wishes to read frank descriptions of sexual activity, which may include such topics as vampirism, blood fetishism, and elements of horror and fantasy, as well as domination, submission, exhibitionism, voyeurism, threesomes, group sex, sadism, masochism, erotic humiliation, infidelity and other forms of sexual variation. Do not sample, buy or read it if you might find such themes offensive.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Book Description
Wait Until Dark, Montresor by Thomas S. Roche
The Privilege of the Dead by Thomas S. Roche
Gallery of Despair by Thomas S. Roche
The Lunar Eclipse by Thomas S. Roche
Orphans by Thomas S. Roche
Visitations Dawn Till Dusk by Thomas S. Roche

BUY NOW FOR KINDLE!

Pyramid Discovered in Kazakhstan

Reports are circulating with the claim that a new pyramid found in Kazakhstan is “the oldest pyramid ever found,” which is ridiculous.
 
A ScienceAlert.com article that is the most widely shared news item on the topic does not make that claim. It does, however, make the even more bizarre error of giving the Kazakhstan pyramid a preliminary date of “3,000 years ago” (that is, about 1,000 BCE) and then, in the next paragraph, claiming that “the Pyramid of Djoser in Sakkara, Egypt, was built about 1,000 years earlier, between 2667 and 2648 BC.”
 
Somebody can’t do basic math. Obviously, that leaves a 650-year discrepancy within the article. A little more than 650 years ago, sessions of England’s Parliament were still conducted in French. Incidentally, 1,650 years ago, the Huns were invading Europe. The article’s unspoken implication that the gap is a relatively minor one is bizarre, and would be even if the author were capable of adding and subtracting.
 
Any source that unclear on timelines (and basic math) should be drop-kicked.
 
Also, the headline won’t tell you that the Kazakhstan pyramid is a little over 6 feet tall. If it was the world’s first pyramid, that would be archaeologically interesting, but hardly the proof of ancient aliens that I’m sure some sources will soon start claiming it is.

Dinner in a Bucket

This thing follows me around the internet. Anywhere I go that features a certain kind of ad tile, it’s there. I understand its utilDinner in a Bucketity as a either a consumer quasi-scam, but why me?

“These meals give you the nutrition and calories you need in an emergency situation as well as the hearty, delicious taste of home.”

There are no circumstances I can foresee in which purchasing “Dinner in a Bucket” via the internet would be something I would do. If I decide to actually prepare for the apocalypse rather than just anticipating it with a vague sense of impatience, I will surely be willing to save a few bucks and buy my dinners and buckets separately and pack them myself. On the other hand, if I get to the point where the apocalypse is nigh and I haven’t yet stashed my dinner in buckets, ordering it online is probably not going to help me.

The Boy with Green Hair

Yeah, so, this is a thing. From 1948. It starred Dean Stockwell. You’re welcome.

George Pelecanos even uses it in The Big Blowdown to remind us that it’s 1948. Inexplicably, the protagonist doesn’t want to see this picture. WTF!?!?

The Boy with Green Hair

RIP Joani Blank, 1937-2016

Photo via JoaniBlank.com.
Photo via JoaniBlank.com.

I am incredibly sad to say that activist, entrepreneur, writer and editor Joani Blank passed away over the weekend. Joani was an amazing soul who touched so many lives, including mine.

 
I have been privileged to know many great people who have changed the world for the better. I think it is fair to say that some of the things Joani did (in particular, needless to say, founding Good Vibrations, and Down There Press) helped to alter our culture in profound ways.
 
In this movement, she was not alone but stood proudly with a generation of powerful women for and with many of whom she could be, at various times inspiration, mentor, resource, coworker, compatriot, comrade, gadfly, and (if you’ll forgive me some poetic license) spirit animal. She believed in something great, and she helped create it.
 
I feel privileged that while it was started by women and grew from Feminist principles, the movement Joani helped to build cheerfully welcomed men (me included) and others onto the team, because this is and should be everyone’s revolution.
 
My world feels colder for Joani’s absence, but so much warmer for her having been here, and for my having been lucky enough to know her.
 
Thank you, Joani. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

On Eating Live Frogs Every Morning

Mark Twain once “said”, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” His observation is hardly true in all cases, and reciting it seems to me like tempting fate. Moreover, it’s the frog who’s actually guaranteed to reach the nadir of its upcoming day in this scenario.

But while this “Mark Twain quote” shows up in many, many self-appointed inspirations for productivity, I’m sorry to have to inform anyone reading this that Mark Twain (…wait for it…) never said it.

The good news is that the real quote appears to be even better. According to Quote Investigator, it’s from a 1790s writer named Nicolas Chamfort. It translates as:

“M. de Lassay, a very indulgent man, but with a great knowledge of society, said that we should swallow a toad every morning, in order to fortify ourselves against the disgust of the rest of the day, when we have to spend it in society.”

Eat a live frog every morning

Photo: Golden Toad, by Charles H. Smith, via Wikipedia.

In short, it has nothing to do with getting things done. It refers to the unpleasantness of dealing with other people.

If this is the source of the “Twain Quote,” it is not about finishing that TPS report or filing your taxes at all. It’s rooted deeply in introversion and/or misanthropy.

To me, the most inspiring thing about this is that the sentiment was kidnapped by glurge commandos, made far less funny, and staple-gunned to probably the MOST generic Lt. Col in their never-said-it army. I think the esteemed Mr. Twain would find himself both amused and irritated by that.

So good morning, everyone. Ketchup with that?

Info & real quote via Quote Investigator.